Update and random ramblings

I know I have not been around for the past few months. It is easy to say life has been busy, and that is part of it. The other part is that I rather crawled inside myself and was dealing with some personal stuff I ignored for a very long time. Don’t panic, it has nothing to do with my marriage to M, we are fine. Though I will admit during my checked out period I tend to push everyone away and I am sure I tried to with M as well. However, as always he sees through me, and gives me the space to sort out my demons, but always lets me know the pushing away isn’t working and he is not going anywhere.

 To make a long story short, for most of my life the pushing people away always worked in the past, so I was used to people walking away. M doesn’t give in that easy. I swear that man has so much more patience than I do. With that said I want to apologize to everyone for just kind of disappearing. Despite my work schedule being hectic and life being busy I am going to make a conscience effort to post more often, now that I am coming out of my funk. Only because some people read into things, again I must say that our marriage is fine!

As we have explained in the past, we are polygamists but far from the traditional polygamist family. C and I have little to no interaction and M has two homes, two families etc. I will admit and I know the two homes is a good thing, I am territorial in regard to my home. I believe most women want a home that is their own, to make their own etc.  

M thinks I am insane, but I have considered the possibility of exploring the idea of a third wife. There is no one picked out or considered etc, it is just something I have mulling around in my mind. The truth is I want a relationship with a sister wife, that close family connection. That is not something C wants. In saying that please do not think I am going out to seek a third wife for M. In fact, in our lifestyle I do not think you can “seek” out a wife, it is something that happens, usually when a family is not looking for it.

Not to mention there are other things to consider. All three of us are in agreement that we do not want to have children. Widget it enough (I will have to write a Widget update at a later date). Thus, if another woman were to enter the family, I think it is important to know if she wants children etc. Already having children is one thing, and I believe we would ideally want children to be older. After all M and I are grandparents, somehow starting over is not something we really want to explore. Not to mention due to C being unable to have children, and the fact that she had wanted them, I think it would be cruel to her to have another wife have M’s child, even if unplanned.

Then there is the timing issue. M says repeatedly, two is enough. And to be honest at times I think he does feel pulled in two directions, and seldom actually makes time for just himself. He has two homes, two wives, to sets of bills, etc. Do I really want to impose a third home, a third set of bills, and a third demand on his time. 

I realize it sounds like I am stating all the reasons why it’s a bad idea, but at the same time I see the positive. It is a connection between all members of the family. Another person to share life with, the good the bad and the ugly.

Each polygamist family is unique and has its own dynamics. So even if there are friends who are polygamists, they do not necessarily always understand because it is not a part of their dynamic. Thus, having another person who is family would be great. I assume even non polygamists families each have their own dynamics, and sometimes friends may not really understand something.

Again it is just something that is mulling around in my mind. So please don’t get the idea that one day a blog post will appear announcing a third wife.  It is not something we are actively seeking out. As there are other issues we are handling at the moment. For example, Widget and summer school and the negative pull her biological family is having on her, one of my kitties due to have kittens at any moment. My job has gone from busy to insane with a lot of different changes. I am considering a new car, but not really sold on what kind I want, how much I can afford to spend, etc.

 And C and M’s dog having been diagnosed with cancer and now receiving chemo, and the heartbreak of one of our pets being ill. My heart goes out to C, and I wish I could do more as I do understand that to us our pets are family and we will do whatever is needed to take care of them. As such, M is spending a little extra time with C and with their pet, as they explore every possible treatment.  

So, there is the update on our family, and again I will be make a better effort of keeping in touch better and more often. At least once a week if not more often, and I will kick M in the butt so he makes an appearance as well *laughs*.