So, while, I have made no secret that there are times I want a relationship with C. There are days like today, where I am thankful I don’t because I would probably bitch slap her. Ok, rant all over.
As a side note at least once a day I usually want to bitch slap someone, Thank goodness I have self control, and don’t act on my impulses.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Sorry, yet again I have missed a week or two of posting. Life has been a roller coaster ride of emotions lately, and frankly, I am not enjoying the ride. Due to my mood I have stayed to myself except for the occasional blasting of M, who more often than not got the brunt of my wrath.
Before giving the run down on all of us, I should let everyone know, the taking life out on M has ended. He is stressed to the max now, and doesn’t need me adding to it. All the things that have upset me over the last couple weeks will still be there when our lives settle down, and my theory is they will work out however they are supposed to. All of that is not something I am ready to discuss except to say that I would not trade polygamy for anything, but any relationship has its up and downs, and unfortunately M hit a down stride with both of his wives. Poor man could not win even if he tried. I just hope it all works out and life resumes to normal.
Let me start with our dog Shadow (the one we rescued from the pound nearly a year ago). A friend of ours asked if her boyfriend could stay with us for about a month until he moves to the state she moved to a few months ago. We said sure and enter a new person in our house and the pet pit bull. When at work said person puts his dog in a pen, and I would feel terrible for the dog being locked up in a case for twelve or more hours a day so I would let him out when I got home to go outside and get a bit of exercise.
Last Monday, like I have been doing for the last several weeks I let him out, and me and all the dogs were outside. Shadow went to leap into my lap and the pit bull grabbed him out of thin air, and it was a fight to get him to let go of mine. I should point out Shadow is a small terrier who weighs all of 18 pounds. Once I had my dog free he had a gaping who in his neck and was terrified beyond belief.
I got the pit bull back in its cage and off to the vet we went. It was touch and go for two days, until he was able to have surgery to repair the whole that missed his jugular by an 1/8 of an inch. $800 dollars later, and he is on the mend. And before you ask, me and M are paying the vet bill for his surgery and treatment. We did get an “I’m sorry” but financially we are on our own. I realize I should probably not be upset about this, after all I let the dog out of its pen, but I am. But that is another argument all together. Either way, my goal was to ensure my baby had the care he needed as opposed to simply giving in an putting him down.
I have never in my life been afraid of a dog, but I am this one. I realize it is not the dogs fault, but a part of his nature, and the fact he is in a cage for about twelve hours a day while her owner is at work doesn’t help. Needless to say I no longer let her out of the pen, and our dogs are to be locked in my room when he lets her out even if she is on a leash. I hate to sound like a bitch, but I am not willing to risk my babies being further hurt.
Next up is M and C’s dog of 14 years. M is a fixer. He fixes things; he is the one we both turn to because it is his nature to fix that which is broken. This one he can’t fix and it is killing him. I can see it in his eyes, his expressions, and his body language. This is a pet he has had for the past 14 years and money was not a factor in battling the cancer. Sadly, it is a battle that is slowly being lost. M is going out of his way to try and get him to eat, to make him comfortable and seek out treatment that will ease his suffering. The sad truth is the form of cancer he has is not curable; there is nothing that can be done. It can prolong the pet’s life, but in the end the disease will win.
My heart to breaking, and there is nothing I can do to make it easier for him. No miracle I can pull out of thin air to save their pet’s life. I understand some people do not understand our attachment to our pets, but for lack of a better way to explain it they are our children, and at some point we will lose our oldest to a terrible disease.
He is a dog, a sweet, loving, loyal dog; everyone who meets him falls in love with him. There is just something about him that is special. And to watch cancer ravage him is so heartbreaking there are no words. Add to that that M feels helpless because he can’t fix this, is making it even more gut wrenching and sad. I’m sorry but it makes me angry. Our pets should live long happy lives and simply pass peacefully one day in his sleep, not ravaged by cancer. It is simply not right and I am angry.
That is why I decided that me issues just do not seem that important as we battle to save M and C’s beloved pet. I do not need to heap more stress on M, when he is not sleeping, but working twelve or more hour days, then up nearly every night with a sick dog and still make time for both of his wives. As much, as I miss him and need him to work through my issues, I must have patience. This is an ongoing process for me, but it is something I am working on. I love my husband and an not so selfish as to not realize that right now I must be the strong on, who can handle all life throws at me for now, and let M know, that I am here and will be here in any way he needs me to be.
Last but not least, we have not heard a word from Widget in over a month. I am betting we will hear from here in about two weeks when it is time for school to start. However, that is a door we have decided to close and to no longer be used. I wish her the best and hope she somehow escapes her family’s legacy but I do not hold out much hope.
That is all for now, but in my mind it is enough.