When something breaks

Have you ever had a close friend who is having problems with their significant other, and you are the one they come to, your listen, you at times offer your opinion, you try and be rational at times and see it from the other’s point of view and explain that to your friend, and then there are the times you become equally angry with your friends spouse, for the what has the friend upset. Now imagine this is not a friend but your husband.

It is naturally to share things with our husband or wives; it is part of being married. This is no different when it is a polygamist marriage. Each marriage is its own entity and separate from the other. The being said each marriage has its own ups and down, and problems.  And it is not unusual for the husband in a polygamist family to discuss it with his other wife for a different perspective, or a shoulder, or just to vent. I am actually happy that M is comfortable enough in our marriage to discuss opening with me all areas of his life, including some things between him and C.

I should point out here that while he does discuss things with me, he does NOT share every aspect of his relationship with C to me or visa versa. We each have our own private areas.

Currently C and M have a lot of stress in her relationship. Their beloved 14 year old dog is battling cancer, and his treatment is extremely expensive. And some other things that would add stress to any relationship, and at times it boil over and there are days in which M is just not very happy.

I try to be understanding, and keep from taking sides etc, but I am not always able to, and at times find myself getting flat pissed off a C, but I then have to realize that it is not my place to be angry.  Then I have that moment’s thought of M is my husband too and how dare anyone including his other wife do this or that. I really try not to do that but I at times cannot help myself.

I don’t like it when M is upset,  just as he doesn’t like it when I am unhappy.  I could go on and on, but I have finally I think figured it out. We are a polygamist family and as such M has relationships with me and C and when one of those relationships is having problems it trickles to both relationships so we are all affected by it. But I would rather be affected then for M to censor what he feels he can discuss with me for fear of it upsetting me. It is nothing we will not weather together just as we always have. And I will continue to be here for him in all ways, the good and the bad. 

I will admit I have my opinion on it all, but in the end it is their marriage, so I am kind of a spectator and can only wait and see what occurs. All I can do is love him through it, because at the end of the day that is what is important to me, and that is our love for each other and I love him dearly, and want for him to be happy.