The Power of Perception

Not too long ago a professional associate saw M out with C. Since I had only interacted with this person in a professional capacity and chatted with him once at a work function, he was unaware we were polygamists. His running into M with another woman obviously bothered him because he sought me out to “delicately inform me” that my husband was out with another woman.

 Again because it was a professional relationship only I did my best to ease his concern without laying out our entire story. This incident got me to thinking; all of us make decisions based upon perceptions of others, even if that perception is formed in a split second for whatever reason.

 For example, if a person walks into a law office and the attorney is dressed in cut off shorts, a tank top and flip flops, more often than not the client’s instant perception is that the attorney is not the best in his field. Whereas, if he is in a suit and tie the first impression is usually more favorable, and the attorney is not battling an uphill fight to prove his competence. I could go on but I think you get the idea.

Now we turn to the Martin/Zimmerman case. I have been following this in the news not so much because I believe it is an issue of race, but to follow the legalities of it all. I am not going to debate Zimmerman’s guilt or innocence, but I will say I do not believe that race ever factored into the events of that tragic night. And there are only two people who know the actual events of that few minutes and sadly one of them cannot tell his side. I do believe two people’s instant perception of one another is what led to the killing.

I must also say, anytime a youth is killed it is tragic. It is a loss for his or her family and society. We will never know what impact he would have made on our world, because his life was cut short because of the events of that night and a chance meeting.

 Let me explain why I do not believe it is a case of race but do believe it is a case of reacting in a bad way to the perception of what was witnessed.

Let’s start with Zimmerman. He had been a neighborhood watch volunteer for a few years in the area. Thus, he was aware of the children, the adults and the teens in the area. He saw a young adult he was not accustomed to seeing in the area, wearing a hooded sweatshirt, he was aware of a rash of break-ins occurring in the area so his immediate perception was that the person he saw was not a normal one of the area and therefore his suspicion was a result of that perception. His concern was enough he called 911 to report what he saw. (I will not go into if I believe he continued to follow the person or what occurred next because again I was not there so I cannot say). I do not think the fact that Martin was African American mattered it was a young person Zimmerman had not previously seen in the area.

 Now let’s take Martin, he was innocently walking to his father’s girlfriend’s house after going to the store. He had on a hoodie to protect against the rain and he was on the phone with a female friend. He told the friend he was being followed. The girl told him to run he chose not to run. This unfortunately is a lot of young people’s reasoning of in some way being invincible and therefore he did not run ( I AM NOT BLAMING THE VICTIM HERE). Now here is a young man who is doing nothing wrong suddenly being followed by an adult, he looks and there is nothing that he can see that shows Zimmerman is a part of the neighborhood watch, such as a vest or brightly colored shirt. There is nothing that says he is law enforcement or security, so Treyvon only sees a person following him and he forms an instant perception that danger is a real possibility.

 Now I do not know of Zimmer had stopped following Martin, and Martin approached him or if Zimmerman caught up to him. What I do now is that two people reacted to what they perceived as a threat in a split second. Sadly one young man is dead, so I believe both possibly made poor choices on how to react to what they perceived. Thus, I do not believe race played a part in what occurred, so I do not believe the race of either person would have changed the outcome.

 My heart goes out to the Martin family, as a parent I cannot fathom the heartbreak of losing a child, so I do understand their anger. Others who have jumped on the bandwagon I however, believe have blown this tragic event into something way bigger than it is to further their own agenda.  While I believe race relations are important, using the tragic death of a young man to further your position in that fight is not something I agree with.

 There are numerous young people killed every day, some of those are African American. A lot of their deaths are senseless, yet we will never hear their stories, we do not hear the one’s screaming racism is what led to Martin’s death offering any solutions on how to stop the deaths of our young. They are quick to point fingers but not quick to offer solutions.

For example, Stanly Tookie Williams did some terrible things in his life, and he paid the price for the hard life when the death penalty was carried out. However, after years of reflection he determined what led him down the path he followed and how it was not the right path. From his prison cell he preached to children and young adults the importance of not joining a gang, and why he believed education was more important. He offered solutions to the youth, to the communities and he did so in an effort to save our young. Yet when many people first hear about one of the founders of one of the largest and most dangerous street gangs in the U.S. the perception of him is negative. Again that perception thing plays an important factor in this.

I could go on but you get the idea. Perception is a powerful tool we as humans rely on each day to form immediate feelings and beliefs. It is not for most of us about race, but what we visually see and how it fits into what we already know (Psychology 101).

NTPW

a quick update

This one is really short because it is nearly 2:00 a.m., and I am having problems with my gallbladder hating me, so I am on massive pain meds tonight. But wanted to post a quick note.

I am working on what I think is going to be a good post, and hopefully create a good discussion because I do want to hear what other think about the topic of "first impressions and how our perception of what we take in visually dictates our reactions and/or opionion of others.

I have been thinking about that for a while now, and know that because work has been crazy, and settling into the new house has left little time for anything else, I have not had a chance to really post anything lately.

I am trying to get my life a tad bit more organized so I can post more again. Thanks to the meds for the gall bladder making my a tad loopy, it means I will be home mostly for the next few days because I can't drive, I hopefully can catch up.

Widget it doing very well, passed all her classes this term, and has a secret admirer at school. He was sending her candy and cards etc. Even had one of the school adminstrators helping him. He is no longer a secret and they are starting to get to know each other. He is even going to help her with math.
We are realy glad this one seems like a really nice young man. I will be posting on that in the new few days as well.


On a sadder note, last week one of my kitties passed away. I had her ten years. She went into kidney failure and had pancretis. Her body temp was way to low, as was her heart rate. The vet informed us even with intense treatment, she doubted faith's heart would withstand the treatment, and it would only prolong her suffering. So, one week ago today, I held my precious hope while she closed her eyes for the last time. Despite how weak and sick she was, she purred up to the very end.  I am still not over it and find myself looking in her cat bed for her still.

And now that I am done rambling, I wanted to say I ave missed talking to you even if it is through a computer, I am thankful for your friendship.

The sad truth about addiction

This morning I woke to the news of Whitney Houston’s tragic death. It stopped me in my tracks, not because of who she was or the amazing talent she possessed but because it appears preliminary that addiction has taken another soul from this world too soon.  Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse and now Whitney Houston, to name only a few were silenced when addiction took a hold of their lives. But how many die each day we never know about. The ones who are not in the limelight, but are everyday people who fell to addiction just like the megastars we hear about in the news.

Then my thoughts turned to a friend of Widgets and when we will hear the news that addiction caused her death as well. I am sure many of you remember me talking about Widget and her best friend in previous posts. Well around Christmas her friend stopped coming around and I noticed Widget was also not on the phone with her constantly. When I asked Widget where her friend was, she said she was angry at her and did not want to talk about it. I did not press her because when she doesn’t want to talk about it, she is too upset to discuss it.

Then a few weeks ago after picking her up from school she just let loose.  Her friend had wanted her to get high with her like they had done on the past (marijuana).  Widget declined more than once and their paths began being different. Widget cannot understand why her friend doesn’t get it. That school is important if they want a future. That drugs and alcohol is not the answer. I tried to explain that people mature at a different rate and that she is just further ahead than her friend. That she was making mature decisions about her future, and hopefully her friend will catch up and start making decisions with her future in mind as well.

 I will admit I did not fully believe that, because her friend comes from a home in which drug use and trips to jail are the norm, and education is not important for success. Granted Widgets biological family are the same, but Widget realized that to succeed she cannot follow the path of her mother and needed to try and do well in school, and plan for college. Her friend however, has not realized that and may never do so.

I say that because Widget ended the friendship fully and refuses to speak to her until she gets clean.  Widget chose the path to success and to leave marijuana and drinking behind. She is even joining the track team at school, and has never done sports in school before. Her friend on the other hand has dropped out of school, and graduated from smoking marijuana to methamphetamines and who knows what else, and she is having lots of unprotected sex according to Widget.

Widget made the decision she had to end the friendship when after she tried to reason with the friend and promised to stand by her if she would get clean and the friend refused.  I am very proud of our Widget for trying to help and for realizing sometimes you can’t and have to walk away to save yourself. Now I worry about Widget and what will happen if her friend doesn’t get help and we get the news of her friend’s death due to addiction. She will be one who never makes headlines, the world will not mourn her passing, but those of us who knew her will mourn her passing. To be blunt if she friend continues being an addict she will die sooner or later.

Addiction is a dangerous thing that is taking a large portion of our population. Often once a person is addicted nothing else matters. I am thankful some to seek help and get clean, many do not. We will never stop the influx of drugs in society and alcohol is legal. So, I wonder what causes people to seek drugs even when they knew the risks for the first time. How the decision is made to try them that first time, or is it different for everyone. Better yet how do we stop those who have not tried drugs yet, and help those already in the grip of addiction? Why do ones like Widget realize to succeed she had to leave drugs and alcohol behind, while others like her friend dig deeper into the pit and keep trying harder and harder drugs. Is there nothing we can do? I wish I had that answer.

Rest in peace Whitney Houston and all those like her whose life ended way too soon. May they all find the peace that evaded them in life.

 I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

I truly believe the lyrics above from “The greatest love of all” by Whitney Houston. It is why for years I was a foster parent and then decided to have Widget join our family, because she and other teenagers like her will one day lead the way, and run this world. I just wish we had been able to each her friend. Hopefully she will decide to change her life as Widget did before it is too late.

It’s the Big Day

It’s the big day. Today is the day we waited all year for. The anxiety building as the day has grown closer. Now we are a mere hours away and my heart is racing. I am breathless. I can’t believe the day is finally here. Excitement and anticipation is pumping through my veins. I cannot help but wonder if M is going through similar thoughts and feelings.

It is here, it is so hard to believe. I spent weeks seeking out the perfect thing to wear. My nails are properly done, and each hair will be in place, makeup flawless. We planned out the menu, and even incorporated Widget’s ideas and suggestions. She is equally excited. We ensured the invitation to friends and family went out in plenty of time, and the RSVP’s are in. Our closest friends and family will gather in just a few hours to share in the joy and excitement of the day with us.

We considered a vacation/destination event for today. After all, my home town is thousands of miles away. And for me the idea of spending the day in the place of my birth added to the specialness of the day. I scoped out locations, costs and prices to take us all back to my home town for the day. I even figured we would then drive to M’s home town for a day or two to visit his friends and family since we grew up a few hours apart, in similar but very different environments. I believe it is fate that has brought us together after many years of near misses. We often were in same locations just a few hours apart, but it took us both moving across the country to finally meet and intertwine our hearts, and now we will share today as a family. We decided against the destination because the cost was just not something we could rationalize. However, a part of my heart today will be in my home town, and a part of me will wish we were there, but the excitement is not dulled by not being there.

At precisely 6:29 p.m. EST the festivities will begin. We will gather with friends and family around the television and kick off will start it all off. That’s right SUPER BOWL SUNDAY IS HERE! It is the biggest day of the year for our family. We are football fans. It is a Sunday ritual, breakfast and then the day is spent watching football. We each have our teams we are loyal too. For M it is the Bears, for me it is the Colts, and Widget favors the Steelers (It is her only flaw).

We trash talk each other, we make silly bets, we take turns yelling at the television, or jumping up and doing a touch down dance after a great play. I often find myself screaming GO! GO! GO! When one of my players takes off and is running down the field.  Today, we will cheer on our team, critique the commercials, and half time show. Today it is all about the game.

If you have not guessed I am from Indiana, and I am loyal to my team despite the bad year. I have other teams I like and one of those happens to be the New York Giants. It’s a Manning thing. Like any good Colt’s fan I cringe whenever a picture of Lucas Oil Stadium flashes and a photo of Tom Brady is hanging there. After all the Colts and Patriots have a long standing dislike of each other. Despite Peyton being out all season and the Colts having a less than stellar season we will still have a Manning on the field today. And Eli just keeps getting better and better.

Today I will be screaming and cheering one Eli and the Giants. Yes, I am a Manning fan, the entire family are just amazing. I do understand the Patriots are playing not just a game but as a way to honor the owners wife who passed away, and that is admirable, and they have had a good season, but I simply cannot and will not cheer on the Patriots. I just cannot do it, not to mention they are playing the Giants, and for me the Giants are only second to the Colts.

 This season has been full of surprises, disappointments, joys, and amazing plays. They say it was the year of the quarterback and I have to say I agree. This year brought us Tbow, Aaron Rogers, Peyton missing an entire season, Breez had a great season as did Brady (UGH), and Eli showed he is as good as his big brother.

As big as today is for our family, I cannot help but wonder about what will happen when it is all over. When the game is done, the celebration over and life returns to normal. I admit I will go into a sense of mourning. The football season will be officially over not to return for months. I miss football in the offseason. I have to figure out a way to fill my Sunday’s without the game of football. Oh we will have the draft in a few weeks, the controversy around will Peyton be a Colt next season or won’t hear, but we will have no game to watch. I will count the weeks to pre-season and it will all start again.

However you and your family spend today, enjoy it and have fun, it is what the game is about. For millions of people around the world Super Bowl Sunday is a ritual, it is the spirit of the game, it’s the excitement and where we are ordinary citizens pin our hopes and dreams on men who will spend 4 quarters playing to win and to bring home a win for their team and for us, the Fans

problem with our blog

I'm not sure where our posts disappeared to but we are looking into it so the problem can be corrected.