I know I have not been around for the past few
months. It is easy to say life has been busy, and that is part of it. The other
part is that I rather crawled inside myself and was dealing with some personal
stuff I ignored for a very long time. Don’t panic, it has nothing to do with my
marriage to M, we are fine. Though I will admit during my checked out period I
tend to push everyone away and I am sure I tried to with M as well. However, as
always he sees through me, and gives me the space to sort out my demons, but
always lets me know the pushing away isn’t working and he is not going
anywhere.
To make a
long story short, for most of my life the pushing people away always worked in
the past, so I was used to people walking away. M doesn’t give in that easy. I
swear that man has so much more patience than I do. With that said I want to apologize
to everyone for just kind of disappearing. Despite my work schedule being
hectic and life being busy I am going to make a conscience effort to post more
often, now that I am coming out of my funk. Only because some people read into
things, again I must say that our marriage is fine!
As we have explained in the past, we are polygamists
but far from the traditional polygamist family. C and I have little to no
interaction and M has two homes, two families etc. I will admit and I know the
two homes is a good thing, I am territorial in regard to my home. I believe
most women want a home that is their own, to make their own etc.
M thinks I am insane, but I have considered the possibility
of exploring the idea of a third wife. There is no one picked out or considered
etc, it is just something I have mulling around in my mind. The truth is I want
a relationship with a sister wife, that close family connection. That is not something
C wants. In saying that please do not think I am going out to seek a third wife
for M. In fact, in our lifestyle I do not think you can “seek” out a wife, it
is something that happens, usually when a family is not looking for it.
Not to mention there are other things to consider.
All three of us are in agreement that we do not want to have children. Widget
it enough (I will have to write a Widget update at a later date). Thus, if
another woman were to enter the family, I think it is important to know if she
wants children etc. Already having children is one thing, and I believe we
would ideally want children to be older. After all M and I are grandparents,
somehow starting over is not something we really want to explore. Not to
mention due to C being unable to have children, and the fact that she had
wanted them, I think it would be cruel to her to have another wife have M’s
child, even if unplanned.
Then there is the timing issue. M says repeatedly,
two is enough. And to be honest at times I think he does feel pulled in two
directions, and seldom actually makes time for just himself. He has two homes,
two wives, to sets of bills, etc. Do I really want to impose a third home, a
third set of bills, and a third demand on his time.
I realize it sounds like I am stating all the
reasons why it’s a bad idea, but at the same time I see the positive. It is a
connection between all members of the family. Another person to share life
with, the good the bad and the ugly.
Each polygamist family is unique and has its own dynamics.
So even if there are friends who are polygamists, they do not necessarily
always understand because it is not a part of their dynamic. Thus, having
another person who is family would be great. I assume even non polygamists
families each have their own dynamics, and sometimes friends may not really
understand something.
Again it is just something that is mulling around in
my mind. So please don’t get the idea that one day a blog post will appear
announcing a third wife. It is not
something we are actively seeking out. As there are other issues we are
handling at the moment. For example, Widget and summer school and the negative
pull her biological family is having on her, one of my kitties due to have
kittens at any moment. My job has gone from busy to insane with a lot of
different changes. I am considering a new car, but not really sold on what kind
I want, how much I can afford to spend, etc.
And C and M’s
dog having been diagnosed with cancer and now receiving chemo, and the
heartbreak of one of our pets being ill. My heart goes out to C, and I wish I
could do more as I do understand that to us our pets are family and we will do
whatever is needed to take care of them. As such, M is spending a little extra
time with C and with their pet, as they explore every possible treatment.
So, there is the update on our family, and again I
will be make a better effort of keeping in touch better and more often. At
least once a week if not more often, and I will kick M in the butt so he makes
an appearance as well *laughs*.
