An Unpopular Opinion-but it is my opinion

I fully understand my opinions on some topics are likely to be criticized and not agreed with, however, we all are entitled to our opinions and these are mine.

America was once considered a melting pot. A place for immigrants to come and start a new life and chase the American dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In doing so the immigrants often struggled to learn the American ways, the language, and a way in which to merge their traditions and beliefs with that of Americas. They worked hard, studied long hours and eventually most of them became naturalized Americans. That seems to have changed, or at least the immigrants willingness to learn American ways including the language seems to have changed.

I find it upsetting that in a country I was born and raised in there are places of business I can not do business with because of a language barrier and the unwillingness of the people operating the business to learn the English language in order to do business with those of us born and raised here. I do not want to press 1 for English. This irritates me. The English language as been the primary language of the United States for hundreds of years, but in some areas it is a second language and not the primary language. If like me you only speak English, you are in a severe disadvantage and unable to complete business transactions. I have even witnesses people’s shock, dismay and even anger that I cannot speak a language out than English in the United States.

I also find it infuriating that laws are being passed to protect those immigrants who choose to come here illegally and do nothing in an effort to become legal residents of the United States. Do not get me wrong, for the millions who come to this country every year legally, and strive to learn the American ways etc, I have no issue with. It is those who cross borders and enter the United States, work illegally, often stealing social security numbers of deceased Americans to work, or turn to our welfare system for support, and then get upset and claim to be victims when laws are enacted to ensure the people in this county are here lawfully and that consequences exist for those who are here illegally.

If you are in the United States or any country for that matter illegally, you are committing a crime, you know you are committing a crime and most are doing nothing to change their legal status. These people are not victims, they are criminals. Just as if I am going 90 mph in a 30 zone to get to work on time, I have no right to be mad or upset when I am written a speeding ticket, even if my reasons for speeding was to ensure I made it to work on time to be able to continue to support my family. If I rob a bank in order to seek a better life for myself and my family I am committing a crime and there are consequences for doing so. In my view, if you enter the United States illegally, work illegally and continue to do so, then be prepared for consequences for the criminal activity you are engaging in and stop claiming to be victims.

I am further upset that many here illegally make no effort to acclimate to the United States, and make no effort to learn the language, Instead it is expected that we all learn their language. If my great great grandparents who came here from Ireland had refused to learn the English language there is a good change they would not have succeeded in the America. They learned English and the American ways but they held on to their traditions and heritage at the same time. Many customs were brought with them and are still upheld in our family today. They did not give up their Church, or any ideal sacred to their hearts, but they worked damn hard to "become Americans" and I have been told my great great grandfather wept when he took the oath to become an American citizen. It was an honor to him and a reward to hard work. Many immigrants today do not view becoming an American as an honor, but simply come here illegally for financial gain only.

After all a person can illegally enter the United States, seek welfare benefits, has their children educated many times at no cost, and even free, can use Emergency rooms as their primary medical to avoid having to be insured, and live off the taxpayers of Americans, and their names on welfare scrolls cannot be used to track illegal immigrants.

Then we have the "anchor baby" problem Couples will come to the United States illegally and the woman will have a child. The man of the family may be working albeit illegally, to support his family, and they are not using welfare to do so. For whatever reason the man and woman are not taking steps to become legal residents and one day the family is caught, The mother is permitted to stay in the U.S. because the baby is an American citizen, but the father is deported. The woman and child are then forced onto welfare because the main breadwinner is no longer able to provide. Am I the only one who sees this is as broken logic? If you are going to let mom stay, then let dad stay if they are working and not living off of welfare. Assist the entire family in acclimating to America.

Many people do not agree with Arizona laws. And some states are even creating what is called "Anti-Arizona" laws which authorize their state law enforcement agencies to not have to cooperate with ICE and detain illegal immigrants unless the person is arrested for a serious crime. I understand that cooperating with ICE can be expenses to local law enforcement, and creates more work etc, however passing laws which protects people who are breaking the law from the consequences of their illegal activity makes no sense to me. Why not then pass laws for the drug dealer because after all he is only selling drugs to support his family, or how about the gang members who initially joined the gang to belong to something, and to have a family, not to mention most illegal activity committed by known gang members is against rival gang members and is known to be a risk factor for people who join gangs. I can go on an on with laws that should be created to protect criminals.

I know some are going to say the illegal immigrant problem is not really a crime because it is a victimless crime. I beg to differ, I mean really folks the laws in Utah which at one time could have been used to charge the Brown family with a crime was also for a victimless crime, yet many people supported the anti-polygamy laws. Yet these same people do not support illegal immigrant laws because it is a victimless crime. Again I’m sorry it is not victimless.

The taxpayers who shoulder the extra expense and drain on the welfare system, the cost that is passed on to us for illegal immigrants unpaid medical bills, and the millions of dollars that goes to educating illegal immigrant’s children. This all is a drain on the working Americans, like it or not. I have even been told that illegal immigrants are not harming the fiber of America because they will do the jobs here the American’s wont do. Again I disagree.

Granted most American’s do not want to manually harvest crops, or work in landscaping (JUST EXAMPLES FOLKS), but in today’s economy many would do so and do so for minimum wage because minimum wage is better than no wage. Yet, enter the illegal immigrant who will work for far less, and therefore it effects the ability of out of work American’s to become gainfully employed and therefore it harms America as a whole.

Ok all, rant is over, seriously I DON"T want to press 1 for ENGLISH, I want those coming to our country to view it as an honor just as my great great grandparents did. I want saying I am an American to stand for something again. I don’t want to have to qualify what type of American I am (i.e. Mexican-American, Japanese American etc), I want to once again be ONE NATION under God, where we are all just Americans!

L

Update and random ramblings

I know I have not been around for the past few months. It is easy to say life has been busy, and that is part of it. The other part is that I rather crawled inside myself and was dealing with some personal stuff I ignored for a very long time. Don’t panic, it has nothing to do with my marriage to M, we are fine. Though I will admit during my checked out period I tend to push everyone away and I am sure I tried to with M as well. However, as always he sees through me, and gives me the space to sort out my demons, but always lets me know the pushing away isn’t working and he is not going anywhere.

 To make a long story short, for most of my life the pushing people away always worked in the past, so I was used to people walking away. M doesn’t give in that easy. I swear that man has so much more patience than I do. With that said I want to apologize to everyone for just kind of disappearing. Despite my work schedule being hectic and life being busy I am going to make a conscience effort to post more often, now that I am coming out of my funk. Only because some people read into things, again I must say that our marriage is fine!

As we have explained in the past, we are polygamists but far from the traditional polygamist family. C and I have little to no interaction and M has two homes, two families etc. I will admit and I know the two homes is a good thing, I am territorial in regard to my home. I believe most women want a home that is their own, to make their own etc.  

M thinks I am insane, but I have considered the possibility of exploring the idea of a third wife. There is no one picked out or considered etc, it is just something I have mulling around in my mind. The truth is I want a relationship with a sister wife, that close family connection. That is not something C wants. In saying that please do not think I am going out to seek a third wife for M. In fact, in our lifestyle I do not think you can “seek” out a wife, it is something that happens, usually when a family is not looking for it.

Not to mention there are other things to consider. All three of us are in agreement that we do not want to have children. Widget it enough (I will have to write a Widget update at a later date). Thus, if another woman were to enter the family, I think it is important to know if she wants children etc. Already having children is one thing, and I believe we would ideally want children to be older. After all M and I are grandparents, somehow starting over is not something we really want to explore. Not to mention due to C being unable to have children, and the fact that she had wanted them, I think it would be cruel to her to have another wife have M’s child, even if unplanned.

Then there is the timing issue. M says repeatedly, two is enough. And to be honest at times I think he does feel pulled in two directions, and seldom actually makes time for just himself. He has two homes, two wives, to sets of bills, etc. Do I really want to impose a third home, a third set of bills, and a third demand on his time. 

I realize it sounds like I am stating all the reasons why it’s a bad idea, but at the same time I see the positive. It is a connection between all members of the family. Another person to share life with, the good the bad and the ugly.

Each polygamist family is unique and has its own dynamics. So even if there are friends who are polygamists, they do not necessarily always understand because it is not a part of their dynamic. Thus, having another person who is family would be great. I assume even non polygamists families each have their own dynamics, and sometimes friends may not really understand something.

Again it is just something that is mulling around in my mind. So please don’t get the idea that one day a blog post will appear announcing a third wife.  It is not something we are actively seeking out. As there are other issues we are handling at the moment. For example, Widget and summer school and the negative pull her biological family is having on her, one of my kitties due to have kittens at any moment. My job has gone from busy to insane with a lot of different changes. I am considering a new car, but not really sold on what kind I want, how much I can afford to spend, etc.

 And C and M’s dog having been diagnosed with cancer and now receiving chemo, and the heartbreak of one of our pets being ill. My heart goes out to C, and I wish I could do more as I do understand that to us our pets are family and we will do whatever is needed to take care of them. As such, M is spending a little extra time with C and with their pet, as they explore every possible treatment.  

So, there is the update on our family, and again I will be make a better effort of keeping in touch better and more often. At least once a week if not more often, and I will kick M in the butt so he makes an appearance as well *laughs*.

The sad truth about addiction

This morning I woke to the news of Whitney Houston’s tragic death. It stopped me in my tracks, not because of who she was or the amazing talent she possessed but because it appears preliminary that addiction has taken another soul from this world too soon.  Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse and now Whitney Houston, to name only a few were silenced when addiction took a hold of their lives. But how many die each day we never know about. The ones who are not in the limelight, but are everyday people who fell to addiction just like the megastars we hear about in the news.

Then my thoughts turned to a friend of Widgets and when we will hear the news that addiction caused her death as well. I am sure many of you remember me talking about Widget and her best friend in previous posts. Well around Christmas her friend stopped coming around and I noticed Widget was also not on the phone with her constantly. When I asked Widget where her friend was, she said she was angry at her and did not want to talk about it. I did not press her because when she doesn’t want to talk about it, she is too upset to discuss it.

Then a few weeks ago after picking her up from school she just let loose.  Her friend had wanted her to get high with her like they had done on the past (marijuana).  Widget declined more than once and their paths began being different. Widget cannot understand why her friend doesn’t get it. That school is important if they want a future. That drugs and alcohol is not the answer. I tried to explain that people mature at a different rate and that she is just further ahead than her friend. That she was making mature decisions about her future, and hopefully her friend will catch up and start making decisions with her future in mind as well.

 I will admit I did not fully believe that, because her friend comes from a home in which drug use and trips to jail are the norm, and education is not important for success. Granted Widgets biological family are the same, but Widget realized that to succeed she cannot follow the path of her mother and needed to try and do well in school, and plan for college. Her friend however, has not realized that and may never do so.

I say that because Widget ended the friendship fully and refuses to speak to her until she gets clean.  Widget chose the path to success and to leave marijuana and drinking behind. She is even joining the track team at school, and has never done sports in school before. Her friend on the other hand has dropped out of school, and graduated from smoking marijuana to methamphetamines and who knows what else, and she is having lots of unprotected sex according to Widget.

Widget made the decision she had to end the friendship when after she tried to reason with the friend and promised to stand by her if she would get clean and the friend refused.  I am very proud of our Widget for trying to help and for realizing sometimes you can’t and have to walk away to save yourself. Now I worry about Widget and what will happen if her friend doesn’t get help and we get the news of her friend’s death due to addiction. She will be one who never makes headlines, the world will not mourn her passing, but those of us who knew her will mourn her passing. To be blunt if she friend continues being an addict she will die sooner or later.

Addiction is a dangerous thing that is taking a large portion of our population. Often once a person is addicted nothing else matters. I am thankful some to seek help and get clean, many do not. We will never stop the influx of drugs in society and alcohol is legal. So, I wonder what causes people to seek drugs even when they knew the risks for the first time. How the decision is made to try them that first time, or is it different for everyone. Better yet how do we stop those who have not tried drugs yet, and help those already in the grip of addiction? Why do ones like Widget realize to succeed she had to leave drugs and alcohol behind, while others like her friend dig deeper into the pit and keep trying harder and harder drugs. Is there nothing we can do? I wish I had that answer.

Rest in peace Whitney Houston and all those like her whose life ended way too soon. May they all find the peace that evaded them in life.

 I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

I truly believe the lyrics above from “The greatest love of all” by Whitney Houston. It is why for years I was a foster parent and then decided to have Widget join our family, because she and other teenagers like her will one day lead the way, and run this world. I just wish we had been able to each her friend. Hopefully she will decide to change her life as Widget did before it is too late.