Just thought I'd share this with you
Carlos Santana and Everlast...

An Unpopular Opinion-but it is my opinion

I fully understand my opinions on some topics are likely to be criticized and not agreed with, however, we all are entitled to our opinions and these are mine.

America was once considered a melting pot. A place for immigrants to come and start a new life and chase the American dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In doing so the immigrants often struggled to learn the American ways, the language, and a way in which to merge their traditions and beliefs with that of Americas. They worked hard, studied long hours and eventually most of them became naturalized Americans. That seems to have changed, or at least the immigrants willingness to learn American ways including the language seems to have changed.

I find it upsetting that in a country I was born and raised in there are places of business I can not do business with because of a language barrier and the unwillingness of the people operating the business to learn the English language in order to do business with those of us born and raised here. I do not want to press 1 for English. This irritates me. The English language as been the primary language of the United States for hundreds of years, but in some areas it is a second language and not the primary language. If like me you only speak English, you are in a severe disadvantage and unable to complete business transactions. I have even witnesses people’s shock, dismay and even anger that I cannot speak a language out than English in the United States.

I also find it infuriating that laws are being passed to protect those immigrants who choose to come here illegally and do nothing in an effort to become legal residents of the United States. Do not get me wrong, for the millions who come to this country every year legally, and strive to learn the American ways etc, I have no issue with. It is those who cross borders and enter the United States, work illegally, often stealing social security numbers of deceased Americans to work, or turn to our welfare system for support, and then get upset and claim to be victims when laws are enacted to ensure the people in this county are here lawfully and that consequences exist for those who are here illegally.

If you are in the United States or any country for that matter illegally, you are committing a crime, you know you are committing a crime and most are doing nothing to change their legal status. These people are not victims, they are criminals. Just as if I am going 90 mph in a 30 zone to get to work on time, I have no right to be mad or upset when I am written a speeding ticket, even if my reasons for speeding was to ensure I made it to work on time to be able to continue to support my family. If I rob a bank in order to seek a better life for myself and my family I am committing a crime and there are consequences for doing so. In my view, if you enter the United States illegally, work illegally and continue to do so, then be prepared for consequences for the criminal activity you are engaging in and stop claiming to be victims.

I am further upset that many here illegally make no effort to acclimate to the United States, and make no effort to learn the language, Instead it is expected that we all learn their language. If my great great grandparents who came here from Ireland had refused to learn the English language there is a good change they would not have succeeded in the America. They learned English and the American ways but they held on to their traditions and heritage at the same time. Many customs were brought with them and are still upheld in our family today. They did not give up their Church, or any ideal sacred to their hearts, but they worked damn hard to "become Americans" and I have been told my great great grandfather wept when he took the oath to become an American citizen. It was an honor to him and a reward to hard work. Many immigrants today do not view becoming an American as an honor, but simply come here illegally for financial gain only.

After all a person can illegally enter the United States, seek welfare benefits, has their children educated many times at no cost, and even free, can use Emergency rooms as their primary medical to avoid having to be insured, and live off the taxpayers of Americans, and their names on welfare scrolls cannot be used to track illegal immigrants.

Then we have the "anchor baby" problem Couples will come to the United States illegally and the woman will have a child. The man of the family may be working albeit illegally, to support his family, and they are not using welfare to do so. For whatever reason the man and woman are not taking steps to become legal residents and one day the family is caught, The mother is permitted to stay in the U.S. because the baby is an American citizen, but the father is deported. The woman and child are then forced onto welfare because the main breadwinner is no longer able to provide. Am I the only one who sees this is as broken logic? If you are going to let mom stay, then let dad stay if they are working and not living off of welfare. Assist the entire family in acclimating to America.

Many people do not agree with Arizona laws. And some states are even creating what is called "Anti-Arizona" laws which authorize their state law enforcement agencies to not have to cooperate with ICE and detain illegal immigrants unless the person is arrested for a serious crime. I understand that cooperating with ICE can be expenses to local law enforcement, and creates more work etc, however passing laws which protects people who are breaking the law from the consequences of their illegal activity makes no sense to me. Why not then pass laws for the drug dealer because after all he is only selling drugs to support his family, or how about the gang members who initially joined the gang to belong to something, and to have a family, not to mention most illegal activity committed by known gang members is against rival gang members and is known to be a risk factor for people who join gangs. I can go on an on with laws that should be created to protect criminals.

I know some are going to say the illegal immigrant problem is not really a crime because it is a victimless crime. I beg to differ, I mean really folks the laws in Utah which at one time could have been used to charge the Brown family with a crime was also for a victimless crime, yet many people supported the anti-polygamy laws. Yet these same people do not support illegal immigrant laws because it is a victimless crime. Again I’m sorry it is not victimless.

The taxpayers who shoulder the extra expense and drain on the welfare system, the cost that is passed on to us for illegal immigrants unpaid medical bills, and the millions of dollars that goes to educating illegal immigrant’s children. This all is a drain on the working Americans, like it or not. I have even been told that illegal immigrants are not harming the fiber of America because they will do the jobs here the American’s wont do. Again I disagree.

Granted most American’s do not want to manually harvest crops, or work in landscaping (JUST EXAMPLES FOLKS), but in today’s economy many would do so and do so for minimum wage because minimum wage is better than no wage. Yet, enter the illegal immigrant who will work for far less, and therefore it effects the ability of out of work American’s to become gainfully employed and therefore it harms America as a whole.

Ok all, rant is over, seriously I DON"T want to press 1 for ENGLISH, I want those coming to our country to view it as an honor just as my great great grandparents did. I want saying I am an American to stand for something again. I don’t want to have to qualify what type of American I am (i.e. Mexican-American, Japanese American etc), I want to once again be ONE NATION under God, where we are all just Americans!

L

Ahh Friday

So today , the Fourth is over, a new job looms well and we've fired the Cancer doctor for our child and found another so some of the stress is gone. There is still plenty to deal with.. the lack of any reasonable timeshare has got me trying to figure out how to fix it still is the biggest issue. It is tilted much more one way and I know it is not fair but I'll figure it out. once I get back to work it will help balance out some fund sissues (like the several thousand dollars in vet bills) and I'll be able to make more time but for now all i can do is apologize andhope it is enough.
On to other things.. bc.. please feel free to write/call us.. even if to vent.. we are both pretty good listeners (L is better) and do not mind sharing some of our time if it will help. I look at it as mitzvoh and any mitzvoh is good mitzvoh :)
M

When something breaks

Have you ever had a close friend who is having problems with their significant other, and you are the one they come to, your listen, you at times offer your opinion, you try and be rational at times and see it from the other’s point of view and explain that to your friend, and then there are the times you become equally angry with your friends spouse, for the what has the friend upset. Now imagine this is not a friend but your husband.

It is naturally to share things with our husband or wives; it is part of being married. This is no different when it is a polygamist marriage. Each marriage is its own entity and separate from the other. The being said each marriage has its own ups and down, and problems.  And it is not unusual for the husband in a polygamist family to discuss it with his other wife for a different perspective, or a shoulder, or just to vent. I am actually happy that M is comfortable enough in our marriage to discuss opening with me all areas of his life, including some things between him and C.

I should point out here that while he does discuss things with me, he does NOT share every aspect of his relationship with C to me or visa versa. We each have our own private areas.

Currently C and M have a lot of stress in her relationship. Their beloved 14 year old dog is battling cancer, and his treatment is extremely expensive. And some other things that would add stress to any relationship, and at times it boil over and there are days in which M is just not very happy.

I try to be understanding, and keep from taking sides etc, but I am not always able to, and at times find myself getting flat pissed off a C, but I then have to realize that it is not my place to be angry.  Then I have that moment’s thought of M is my husband too and how dare anyone including his other wife do this or that. I really try not to do that but I at times cannot help myself.

I don’t like it when M is upset,  just as he doesn’t like it when I am unhappy.  I could go on and on, but I have finally I think figured it out. We are a polygamist family and as such M has relationships with me and C and when one of those relationships is having problems it trickles to both relationships so we are all affected by it. But I would rather be affected then for M to censor what he feels he can discuss with me for fear of it upsetting me. It is nothing we will not weather together just as we always have. And I will continue to be here for him in all ways, the good and the bad. 

I will admit I have my opinion on it all, but in the end it is their marriage, so I am kind of a spectator and can only wait and see what occurs. All I can do is love him through it, because at the end of the day that is what is important to me, and that is our love for each other and I love him dearly, and want for him to be happy.

Sometimes there are interesting trees in the forrest?

So it's been a while since I have actually posted but thought today would be a good day to update...and it is a dooxie :)
Things have been tough out west recently. There has been the unsucessful hunt for work thats getting ready to go into its 3rd month and with 2 households you can imagine how fun that is with no unemployment. Jopb turndows have included: "too corporate" when i came to an interview in a tie etc and they were all wearing shorts and sandals.."late" when I stopped to render first aid for a car accident on the expressway (for a non profit medical group), "not techinal enough" when I could not answer a question on home virus removal because I do not get them on my pc and more
I'm having to sue my former employer as my 401k money seems to only exist on my checkstubs. there is no money in my 401k and no record of them ever putting it in there (awesome) which is just less to have to pay bills or whatever.
Obviously no work means no insurance so L's hand needs carpal tunnel surgery and unless i start pulling rabbits out of hats is not going to get done
and to top it off my soon to be 14 year old child (dog) has t cell lymphoma..yup cancer in a dog.. which leads me to wonder whos karma did he step on to have this happen/
Its been a fun path with the child... 3 rounds of chemo so far and experimenting with food and meds.. right now he is getting a mix of gnocchi, soybeans, dries apples.. chicken and tofu mixed in safflower oil which is good for him and keeps his levels good.. the bad part? Cancer is 100% fatal in dogs.. so while he may get a year or two more its going to kill him.. which, for someone who fixes things is the worst failure...something you cannot fix...

The story of mom

Most of my life my mother and I had a horrible relationship.  I’ve wondered for years why her and my father adopted me in the first place. I know my father’s motives were honorable. My mother’s however, I am sure was to obtain someone to control and for her own “social” acceptance.

In fact, I moved to the west coast to put as much distance between her and I as possible. When I was three, my mother’s mental health problems were diagnosed. She is a manic depressant, paranoid schizophrenic. As such for as long as I can remember she would take her medication for a few months, think she was cured and stop taking them and have a break with reality that often included her wanting to kill me and making attempts to do so.

What was not diagnosed was the fact that she is also a narcissist and I was her emotional food. She also was always the victim, able to distort reality to fit her need to be the victim, because nothing has been or is ever her fault. Because of this distortion I detested my father until I was in my 30’s because of the “truth” she fed me.

According to her my father came home from work one day, walked past the playpen I was in, walked to their bedroom, packed his suitcase, walked back down the stairs, breaking he favorite lamp in the process, walked past me once more and left. I was angry for him leaving me with her, and for the hell my childhood became. At 30 I drove 16 hours to finally ask him, and it was then I got the full story. Yes he broke her favorite lamp, yes he packed a bag and walked out and did not take me. However, I have to admit if I came home and found my spouse in bed with someone else I would take that as my marriage being over as well. He did not take me because in the sixties single men were never awarded custody of children especially girls. This is very true sadly, regardless of the best parent was, mothers always won.

She later married a second time when I was about ten to a nice man, but again could not remain faithful, and she finally left him. To this day, she only married him because I liked him. Not sure where that was born, but again such is her reality.

I was also expected to be the perfect child to make sure others perceived her as a good mother, provider, etc. Outside of witnesses everything wrong in her life was my doing, so as soon as possible. I enjoyed my life on the west coast and managed to speak to her only about once a week, and had her visit every other year. Which I dreaded.

Then approximately five years ago she broke her hip and my aunt wanted me to come home to help her recover. She at the time was only 61, but do to years of drinking and smoking 5 packs of cigarettes a day and never doing a damn thing any medical professional told her to do. So when he hip was replaced she was told she had the bones of an 80 year old woman.  As such, it took her months to recover and I was stuck in Indiana during it all. Once she was out of rehab and back home, I could finally come home and again put distance between her and I.

However, less than two weeks later I was once more driving back to Indiana. Now per my aunt she wasn’t acting right, and she wasn’t sure if her mental problems were acting up or if it was something else. At this point I was surprised no one there considered taking her to the doctor, but they did not so three days driving back and I took her to the emergency room.

It was then determined her blood pressure was dangerously high, as in at one point 238/194, and it went high times, and she was having a series of mini strokes. The doctors said due to the mini strokes her mind was affected, she had to stop smoking etc. she also could no longer live on her own, and he believed she had only a matter of months to live.  The affects to her mind was in the area of memory, and as such she was diagnosed with early dementia as well.

Initially, I believed the dementia might actually make her a nicer person, and ease the belief she has that the world owes her something. I was wrong, in fact for the next four plus years that area actually got worse. She demands things of people and truly believes we all owe it to her, regardless of what strain it puts on us emotionally, mentally and financially.

Her nasty mood and verbal abuse of people was so bad, that many times M would make was walk out of the room and away from her in order to stop her verbal assault. You see before I met M, I was guilted into moving her out here, since she had only a matter of months to live. I knew better than to agree to it when I did, but I did and for over five years, I have spent most of it wondering what the doctor meant when he said a few months cause she keeps going and going.

The past few months have not been so bad, she was in the hospital in January and almost died. The smoking has also contributed to her having COPD and heart issues, and despite every doctor telling her what changed she had to make she never did. In fact, the first month after she moved her, she told the home health nurse in front of me, she would do whatever the hell she wanted and if I continued to refuse to let her smoke in my home she would have her name removed from my birth certificate because I was just an adopted kid, not her real child.

That was the breaking point for me. Despite the terrible relationship between us I never once have said she was not my mother because I was adopted. When she said it something clicked in me and emotionally it shut off where she is concerned. I began making sure she was cared for because it was my obligation, not out of some strong mother daughter bond. Sad but true.

Once she nearly died, she has become nicer, and is not smoking. Though I am sure if someone would buy her some, she would. Again out of obligation M and I make sure she has what she needs, and visit her once a week or so. My aunt (also a naraccist) is under the impression she is in “control” because she pays the group home extras and has a POA etc. I let her believe what she wants, because it is easier to let her have her sense of grandeur than the fight with her. The POA was signed after the diagnoses of mother’s dementia and therefore it not legally binding, she also lives in Nevada, and we are on the west coast, as such the doctors call me for decisions etc.

Now, the doctors believe she may have bone cancer on top of it all. The hip replacement needs replaced again but the doctor believes her bones are so deteriorated that it would not hold either. The heart and lung problems continue to be an issue, etc. We will know about the cancer possibility on July 11^th.

If in fact she has bone cancer she has stated she doesn’t want chemo etc, but wants to keep the pain management aspect in place. As sad as it sounds she has no quality of life, not if she has cancer it is only going to get worse, so I don’t argue against not having it treated and surprisingly my aunt agrees.

However, unlike my aunt I know what cancer does, at some point her care will require more than the group home can provide, and she is terrified of nursing homes. Therefore at the end she will likely end up here with M and myself, and we will obtain hospice care and home health care for when we are at work. This is where I am sure my aunt will have a fit, but despite my lack of closeness to mother, I can’t fathom sticking her in place that scares her to the point of not being able to function. So, I will hold up my obligation and make sure she is cared for, but it tires me emotionally and mentally.

So BC Mum there’s the reader’s digest condensed version of my mother.

Rest in peace my dear friend Steven (9/1961-6/2012)

This morning we got the sad news that a dear friend has lost his 8 month battle against pancreatic cancer. We have know for the last few days it was only a matter of time and the Cancer Institute of America in Tulsa were keeping him pain free, and at peace until the end came. It came at 9:02 am. (Tulsa time) with his dear Jenny by his side as she had been from the start.

I should explain, Jenny was not his wife, nor his romantic love interest, she was not related by blood by they were tied by a friendship most of us will never have the joy of experiencing. He cared for Jenny, provided for, and protected Jenny through anything. He was her rock, and in the end she was his.

Jenny is a kind and sweet soul, but naive in many areas, and it was Steven who always made she was alright. If she wanted something, he found a way to get it, if she needed something, he provide it. If she had a dream he made sure she could chase it.

Several years ago, she decided she wanted to be a concert photographer, and decided the only way to do that would be to move to Nashville. Steven packed up, transferred his job, took out a loan and together they moved from California to Nashville, and for the last several years he provided while she chased her dream.

Over the years, I came to view Jenny and Steven as a unit. You never got one without the other. And to me they were more than just friends, but also a part of our family. Due to distance and my foolish belief they would always be there, I did not stay I touch as often as I should have, did not tell Steven how much I cared, or how amazing he was as a human being, not only to Jenny but the world.

He had the rare ability to always make me laugh, and to offer a shoulder and a place to escape 5 years ago when I had to travel back home due to my mother’s health, and was there for 3 months. Each time it got to much for me, I jumped in my care and made the 4 hour drive to Nashville and would hole up with them until I felt rejuvenated and could go back to Indiana and face the mother issue.

He was a big strong teddy bear with a heart of gold. And now that heart has stopped beating. I hope he knows how much I cared and how deeply he will be missed. The world became a little darker today, when the news of his passing came.

As mourn Steven, I cry not only for the loss of his life, but for "his Jenny". I know she will make it through this, but I do worry about her, and she is hundreds of miles away. We have offered her a place if it is needed, or if she just needs somewhere for a few days to mourn and heal.

She has always referred to Steven as her angel, and I agree with her, he has been, thus, she has not lost her angel, he is now watching out for her from above, and he will live forever in our hearts.

Rest easy, my dear friend, you were taken much too soon from this world, but you are now in a better place without pain, and cancer free, with the angel wings we always knew you deserved.

This is how I choose to remember Steven,

and this is what cancer did to him in just 8 months