So, while, I have made no secret that there are times I want a relationship with C. There are days like today, where I am thankful I don’t because I would probably bitch slap her. Ok, rant all over.
As a side note at least once a day I usually want to bitch slap someone, Thank goodness I have self control, and don’t act on my impulses.
L
Monday, August 27, 2012
Monday, August 6, 2012
An update on us
Sorry, yet again I have missed a week or two of posting. Life has been a roller coaster ride of emotions lately, and frankly, I am not enjoying the ride. Due to my mood I have stayed to myself except for the occasional blasting of M, who more often than not got the brunt of my wrath.
Before giving the run down on all of us, I should let everyone know, the taking life out on M has ended. He is stressed to the max now, and doesn’t need me adding to it. All the things that have upset me over the last couple weeks will still be there when our lives settle down, and my theory is they will work out however they are supposed to. All of that is not something I am ready to discuss except to say that I would not trade polygamy for anything, but any relationship has its up and downs, and unfortunately M hit a down stride with both of his wives. Poor man could not win even if he tried. I just hope it all works out and life resumes to normal.
Let me start with our dog Shadow (the one we rescued from the pound nearly a year ago). A friend of ours asked if her boyfriend could stay with us for about a month until he moves to the state she moved to a few months ago. We said sure and enter a new person in our house and the pet pit bull. When at work said person puts his dog in a pen, and I would feel terrible for the dog being locked up in a case for twelve or more hours a day so I would let him out when I got home to go outside and get a bit of exercise.
Last Monday, like I have been doing for the last several weeks I let him out, and me and all the dogs were outside. Shadow went to leap into my lap and the pit bull grabbed him out of thin air, and it was a fight to get him to let go of mine. I should point out Shadow is a small terrier who weighs all of 18 pounds. Once I had my dog free he had a gaping who in his neck and was terrified beyond belief.
I got the pit bull back in its cage and off to the vet we went. It was touch and go for two days, until he was able to have surgery to repair the whole that missed his jugular by an 1/8 of an inch. $800 dollars later, and he is on the mend. And before you ask, me and M are paying the vet bill for his surgery and treatment. We did get an “I’m sorry” but financially we are on our own. I realize I should probably not be upset about this, after all I let the dog out of its pen, but I am. But that is another argument all together. Either way, my goal was to ensure my baby had the care he needed as opposed to simply giving in an putting him down.
I have never in my life been afraid of a dog, but I am this one. I realize it is not the dogs fault, but a part of his nature, and the fact he is in a cage for about twelve hours a day while her owner is at work doesn’t help. Needless to say I no longer let her out of the pen, and our dogs are to be locked in my room when he lets her out even if she is on a leash. I hate to sound like a bitch, but I am not willing to risk my babies being further hurt.
Next up is M and C’s dog of 14 years. M is a fixer. He fixes things; he is the one we both turn to because it is his nature to fix that which is broken. This one he can’t fix and it is killing him. I can see it in his eyes, his expressions, and his body language. This is a pet he has had for the past 14 years and money was not a factor in battling the cancer. Sadly, it is a battle that is slowly being lost. M is going out of his way to try and get him to eat, to make him comfortable and seek out treatment that will ease his suffering. The sad truth is the form of cancer he has is not curable; there is nothing that can be done. It can prolong the pet’s life, but in the end the disease will win.
My heart to breaking, and there is nothing I can do to make it easier for him. No miracle I can pull out of thin air to save their pet’s life. I understand some people do not understand our attachment to our pets, but for lack of a better way to explain it they are our children, and at some point we will lose our oldest to a terrible disease.
He is a dog, a sweet, loving, loyal dog; everyone who meets him falls in love with him. There is just something about him that is special. And to watch cancer ravage him is so heartbreaking there are no words. Add to that that M feels helpless because he can’t fix this, is making it even more gut wrenching and sad. I’m sorry but it makes me angry. Our pets should live long happy lives and simply pass peacefully one day in his sleep, not ravaged by cancer. It is simply not right and I am angry.
That is why I decided that me issues just do not seem that important as we battle to save M and C’s beloved pet. I do not need to heap more stress on M, when he is not sleeping, but working twelve or more hour days, then up nearly every night with a sick dog and still make time for both of his wives. As much, as I miss him and need him to work through my issues, I must have patience. This is an ongoing process for me, but it is something I am working on. I love my husband and an not so selfish as to not realize that right now I must be the strong on, who can handle all life throws at me for now, and let M know, that I am here and will be here in any way he needs me to be.
Last but not least, we have not heard a word from Widget in over a month. I am betting we will hear from here in about two weeks when it is time for school to start. However, that is a door we have decided to close and to no longer be used. I wish her the best and hope she somehow escapes her family’s legacy but I do not hold out much hope.
That is all for now, but in my mind it is enough.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
An Unpopular Opinion-but it is my opinion
I fully understand my opinions on some topics are likely to be criticized and not agreed with, however, we all are entitled to our opinions and these are mine.
America was once considered a melting pot. A place for immigrants to come and start a new life and chase the American dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In doing so the immigrants often struggled to learn the American ways, the language, and a way in which to merge their traditions and beliefs with that of Americas. They worked hard, studied long hours and eventually most of them became naturalized Americans. That seems to have changed, or at least the immigrants willingness to learn American ways including the language seems to have changed.
I find it upsetting that in a country I was born and raised in there are places of business I can not do business with because of a language barrier and the unwillingness of the people operating the business to learn the English language in order to do business with those of us born and raised here. I do not want to press 1 for English. This irritates me. The English language as been the primary language of the United States for hundreds of years, but in some areas it is a second language and not the primary language. If like me you only speak English, you are in a severe disadvantage and unable to complete business transactions. I have even witnesses people’s shock, dismay and even anger that I cannot speak a language out than English in the United States.
I also find it infuriating that laws are being passed to protect those immigrants who choose to come here illegally and do nothing in an effort to become legal residents of the United States. Do not get me wrong, for the millions who come to this country every year legally, and strive to learn the American ways etc, I have no issue with. It is those who cross borders and enter the United States, work illegally, often stealing social security numbers of deceased Americans to work, or turn to our welfare system for support, and then get upset and claim to be victims when laws are enacted to ensure the people in this county are here lawfully and that consequences exist for those who are here illegally.
If you are in the United States or any country for that matter illegally, you are committing a crime, you know you are committing a crime and most are doing nothing to change their legal status. These people are not victims, they are criminals. Just as if I am going 90 mph in a 30 zone to get to work on time, I have no right to be mad or upset when I am written a speeding ticket, even if my reasons for speeding was to ensure I made it to work on time to be able to continue to support my family. If I rob a bank in order to seek a better life for myself and my family I am committing a crime and there are consequences for doing so. In my view, if you enter the United States illegally, work illegally and continue to do so, then be prepared for consequences for the criminal activity you are engaging in and stop claiming to be victims.
I am further upset that many here illegally make no effort to acclimate to the United States, and make no effort to learn the language, Instead it is expected that we all learn their language. If my great great grandparents who came here from Ireland had refused to learn the English language there is a good change they would not have succeeded in the America. They learned English and the American ways but they held on to their traditions and heritage at the same time. Many customs were brought with them and are still upheld in our family today. They did not give up their Church, or any ideal sacred to their hearts, but they worked damn hard to "become Americans" and I have been told my great great grandfather wept when he took the oath to become an American citizen. It was an honor to him and a reward to hard work. Many immigrants today do not view becoming an American as an honor, but simply come here illegally for financial gain only.
After all a person can illegally enter the United States, seek welfare benefits, has their children educated many times at no cost, and even free, can use Emergency rooms as their primary medical to avoid having to be insured, and live off the taxpayers of Americans, and their names on welfare scrolls cannot be used to track illegal immigrants.
Then we have the "anchor baby" problem Couples will come to the United States illegally and the woman will have a child. The man of the family may be working albeit illegally, to support his family, and they are not using welfare to do so. For whatever reason the man and woman are not taking steps to become legal residents and one day the family is caught, The mother is permitted to stay in the U.S. because the baby is an American citizen, but the father is deported. The woman and child are then forced onto welfare because the main breadwinner is no longer able to provide. Am I the only one who sees this is as broken logic? If you are going to let mom stay, then let dad stay if they are working and not living off of welfare. Assist the entire family in acclimating to America.
Many people do not agree with Arizona laws. And some states are even creating what is called "Anti-Arizona" laws which authorize their state law enforcement agencies to not have to cooperate with ICE and detain illegal immigrants unless the person is arrested for a serious crime. I understand that cooperating with ICE can be expenses to local law enforcement, and creates more work etc, however passing laws which protects people who are breaking the law from the consequences of their illegal activity makes no sense to me. Why not then pass laws for the drug dealer because after all he is only selling drugs to support his family, or how about the gang members who initially joined the gang to belong to something, and to have a family, not to mention most illegal activity committed by known gang members is against rival gang members and is known to be a risk factor for people who join gangs. I can go on an on with laws that should be created to protect criminals.
I know some are going to say the illegal immigrant problem is not really a crime because it is a victimless crime. I beg to differ, I mean really folks the laws in Utah which at one time could have been used to charge the Brown family with a crime was also for a victimless crime, yet many people supported the anti-polygamy laws. Yet these same people do not support illegal immigrant laws because it is a victimless crime. Again I’m sorry it is not victimless.
The taxpayers who shoulder the extra expense and drain on the welfare system, the cost that is passed on to us for illegal immigrants unpaid medical bills, and the millions of dollars that goes to educating illegal immigrant’s children. This all is a drain on the working Americans, like it or not. I have even been told that illegal immigrants are not harming the fiber of America because they will do the jobs here the American’s wont do. Again I disagree.
Granted most American’s do not want to manually harvest crops, or work in landscaping (JUST EXAMPLES FOLKS), but in today’s economy many would do so and do so for minimum wage because minimum wage is better than no wage. Yet, enter the illegal immigrant who will work for far less, and therefore it effects the ability of out of work American’s to become gainfully employed and therefore it harms America as a whole.
Ok all, rant is over, seriously I DON"T want to press 1 for ENGLISH, I want those coming to our country to view it as an honor just as my great great grandparents did. I want saying I am an American to stand for something again. I don’t want to have to qualify what type of American I am (i.e. Mexican-American, Japanese American etc), I want to once again be ONE NATION under God, where we are all just Americans!
L
America was once considered a melting pot. A place for immigrants to come and start a new life and chase the American dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In doing so the immigrants often struggled to learn the American ways, the language, and a way in which to merge their traditions and beliefs with that of Americas. They worked hard, studied long hours and eventually most of them became naturalized Americans. That seems to have changed, or at least the immigrants willingness to learn American ways including the language seems to have changed.
I find it upsetting that in a country I was born and raised in there are places of business I can not do business with because of a language barrier and the unwillingness of the people operating the business to learn the English language in order to do business with those of us born and raised here. I do not want to press 1 for English. This irritates me. The English language as been the primary language of the United States for hundreds of years, but in some areas it is a second language and not the primary language. If like me you only speak English, you are in a severe disadvantage and unable to complete business transactions. I have even witnesses people’s shock, dismay and even anger that I cannot speak a language out than English in the United States.
I also find it infuriating that laws are being passed to protect those immigrants who choose to come here illegally and do nothing in an effort to become legal residents of the United States. Do not get me wrong, for the millions who come to this country every year legally, and strive to learn the American ways etc, I have no issue with. It is those who cross borders and enter the United States, work illegally, often stealing social security numbers of deceased Americans to work, or turn to our welfare system for support, and then get upset and claim to be victims when laws are enacted to ensure the people in this county are here lawfully and that consequences exist for those who are here illegally.
If you are in the United States or any country for that matter illegally, you are committing a crime, you know you are committing a crime and most are doing nothing to change their legal status. These people are not victims, they are criminals. Just as if I am going 90 mph in a 30 zone to get to work on time, I have no right to be mad or upset when I am written a speeding ticket, even if my reasons for speeding was to ensure I made it to work on time to be able to continue to support my family. If I rob a bank in order to seek a better life for myself and my family I am committing a crime and there are consequences for doing so. In my view, if you enter the United States illegally, work illegally and continue to do so, then be prepared for consequences for the criminal activity you are engaging in and stop claiming to be victims.
I am further upset that many here illegally make no effort to acclimate to the United States, and make no effort to learn the language, Instead it is expected that we all learn their language. If my great great grandparents who came here from Ireland had refused to learn the English language there is a good change they would not have succeeded in the America. They learned English and the American ways but they held on to their traditions and heritage at the same time. Many customs were brought with them and are still upheld in our family today. They did not give up their Church, or any ideal sacred to their hearts, but they worked damn hard to "become Americans" and I have been told my great great grandfather wept when he took the oath to become an American citizen. It was an honor to him and a reward to hard work. Many immigrants today do not view becoming an American as an honor, but simply come here illegally for financial gain only.
After all a person can illegally enter the United States, seek welfare benefits, has their children educated many times at no cost, and even free, can use Emergency rooms as their primary medical to avoid having to be insured, and live off the taxpayers of Americans, and their names on welfare scrolls cannot be used to track illegal immigrants.
Then we have the "anchor baby" problem Couples will come to the United States illegally and the woman will have a child. The man of the family may be working albeit illegally, to support his family, and they are not using welfare to do so. For whatever reason the man and woman are not taking steps to become legal residents and one day the family is caught, The mother is permitted to stay in the U.S. because the baby is an American citizen, but the father is deported. The woman and child are then forced onto welfare because the main breadwinner is no longer able to provide. Am I the only one who sees this is as broken logic? If you are going to let mom stay, then let dad stay if they are working and not living off of welfare. Assist the entire family in acclimating to America.
Many people do not agree with Arizona laws. And some states are even creating what is called "Anti-Arizona" laws which authorize their state law enforcement agencies to not have to cooperate with ICE and detain illegal immigrants unless the person is arrested for a serious crime. I understand that cooperating with ICE can be expenses to local law enforcement, and creates more work etc, however passing laws which protects people who are breaking the law from the consequences of their illegal activity makes no sense to me. Why not then pass laws for the drug dealer because after all he is only selling drugs to support his family, or how about the gang members who initially joined the gang to belong to something, and to have a family, not to mention most illegal activity committed by known gang members is against rival gang members and is known to be a risk factor for people who join gangs. I can go on an on with laws that should be created to protect criminals.
I know some are going to say the illegal immigrant problem is not really a crime because it is a victimless crime. I beg to differ, I mean really folks the laws in Utah which at one time could have been used to charge the Brown family with a crime was also for a victimless crime, yet many people supported the anti-polygamy laws. Yet these same people do not support illegal immigrant laws because it is a victimless crime. Again I’m sorry it is not victimless.
The taxpayers who shoulder the extra expense and drain on the welfare system, the cost that is passed on to us for illegal immigrants unpaid medical bills, and the millions of dollars that goes to educating illegal immigrant’s children. This all is a drain on the working Americans, like it or not. I have even been told that illegal immigrants are not harming the fiber of America because they will do the jobs here the American’s wont do. Again I disagree.
Granted most American’s do not want to manually harvest crops, or work in landscaping (JUST EXAMPLES FOLKS), but in today’s economy many would do so and do so for minimum wage because minimum wage is better than no wage. Yet, enter the illegal immigrant who will work for far less, and therefore it effects the ability of out of work American’s to become gainfully employed and therefore it harms America as a whole.
Ok all, rant is over, seriously I DON"T want to press 1 for ENGLISH, I want those coming to our country to view it as an honor just as my great great grandparents did. I want saying I am an American to stand for something again. I don’t want to have to qualify what type of American I am (i.e. Mexican-American, Japanese American etc), I want to once again be ONE NATION under God, where we are all just Americans!
L
Friday, July 6, 2012
Ahh Friday
So today , the Fourth is over, a new job looms well and we've fired the Cancer doctor for our child and found another so some of the stress is gone. There is still plenty to deal with.. the lack of any reasonable timeshare has got me trying to figure out how to fix it still is the biggest issue. It is tilted much more one way and I know it is not fair but I'll figure it out. once I get back to work it will help balance out some fund sissues (like the several thousand dollars in vet bills) and I'll be able to make more time but for now all i can do is apologize andhope it is enough.
On to other things.. bc.. please feel free to write/call us.. even if to vent.. we are both pretty good listeners (L is better) and do not mind sharing some of our time if it will help. I look at it as mitzvoh and any mitzvoh is good mitzvoh :)
M
On to other things.. bc.. please feel free to write/call us.. even if to vent.. we are both pretty good listeners (L is better) and do not mind sharing some of our time if it will help. I look at it as mitzvoh and any mitzvoh is good mitzvoh :)
M
Sunday, July 1, 2012
When something breaks
Have you ever had a close friend who is having problems with their significant other, and you are the one they come to, your listen, you at times offer your opinion, you try and be rational at times and see it from the other’s point of view and explain that to your friend, and then there are the times you become equally angry with your friends spouse, for the what has the friend upset. Now imagine this is not a friend but your husband.
It is naturally to share things with our husband or wives; it is part of being married. This is no different when it is a polygamist marriage. Each marriage is its own entity and separate from the other. The being said each marriage has its own ups and down, and problems. And it is not unusual for the husband in a polygamist family to discuss it with his other wife for a different perspective, or a shoulder, or just to vent. I am actually happy that M is comfortable enough in our marriage to discuss opening with me all areas of his life, including some things between him and C.
I should point out here that while he does discuss things with me, he does NOT share every aspect of his relationship with C to me or visa versa. We each have our own private areas.
Currently C and M have a lot of stress in her relationship. Their beloved 14 year old dog is battling cancer, and his treatment is extremely expensive. And some other things that would add stress to any relationship, and at times it boil over and there are days in which M is just not very happy.
I try to be understanding, and keep from taking sides etc, but I am not always able to, and at times find myself getting flat pissed off a C, but I then have to realize that it is not my place to be angry. Then I have that moment’s thought of M is my husband too and how dare anyone including his other wife do this or that. I really try not to do that but I at times cannot help myself.
I don’t like it when M is upset, just as he doesn’t like it when I am unhappy. I could go on and on, but I have finally I think figured it out. We are a polygamist family and as such M has relationships with me and C and when one of those relationships is having problems it trickles to both relationships so we are all affected by it. But I would rather be affected then for M to censor what he feels he can discuss with me for fear of it upsetting me. It is nothing we will not weather together just as we always have. And I will continue to be here for him in all ways, the good and the bad.
I will admit I have my opinion on it all, but in the end it is their marriage, so I am kind of a spectator and can only wait and see what occurs. All I can do is love him through it, because at the end of the day that is what is important to me, and that is our love for each other and I love him dearly, and want for him to be happy.Sometimes there are interesting trees in the forrest?
So it's been a while since I have actually posted but thought today would be a good day to update...and it is a dooxie :)
Things have been tough out west recently. There has been the unsucessful hunt for work thats getting ready to go into its 3rd month and with 2 households you can imagine how fun that is with no unemployment. Jopb turndows have included: "too corporate" when i came to an interview in a tie etc and they were all wearing shorts and sandals.."late" when I stopped to render first aid for a car accident on the expressway (for a non profit medical group), "not techinal enough" when I could not answer a question on home virus removal because I do not get them on my pc and more
I'm having to sue my former employer as my 401k money seems to only exist on my checkstubs. there is no money in my 401k and no record of them ever putting it in there (awesome) which is just less to have to pay bills or whatever.
Obviously no work means no insurance so L's hand needs carpal tunnel surgery and unless i start pulling rabbits out of hats is not going to get done
and to top it off my soon to be 14 year old child (dog) has t cell lymphoma..yup cancer in a dog.. which leads me to wonder whos karma did he step on to have this happen/
Its been a fun path with the child... 3 rounds of chemo so far and experimenting with food and meds.. right now he is getting a mix of gnocchi, soybeans, dries apples.. chicken and tofu mixed in safflower oil which is good for him and keeps his levels good.. the bad part? Cancer is 100% fatal in dogs.. so while he may get a year or two more its going to kill him.. which, for someone who fixes things is the worst failure...something you cannot fix...
Things have been tough out west recently. There has been the unsucessful hunt for work thats getting ready to go into its 3rd month and with 2 households you can imagine how fun that is with no unemployment. Jopb turndows have included: "too corporate" when i came to an interview in a tie etc and they were all wearing shorts and sandals.."late" when I stopped to render first aid for a car accident on the expressway (for a non profit medical group), "not techinal enough" when I could not answer a question on home virus removal because I do not get them on my pc and more
I'm having to sue my former employer as my 401k money seems to only exist on my checkstubs. there is no money in my 401k and no record of them ever putting it in there (awesome) which is just less to have to pay bills or whatever.
Obviously no work means no insurance so L's hand needs carpal tunnel surgery and unless i start pulling rabbits out of hats is not going to get done
and to top it off my soon to be 14 year old child (dog) has t cell lymphoma..yup cancer in a dog.. which leads me to wonder whos karma did he step on to have this happen/
Its been a fun path with the child... 3 rounds of chemo so far and experimenting with food and meds.. right now he is getting a mix of gnocchi, soybeans, dries apples.. chicken and tofu mixed in safflower oil which is good for him and keeps his levels good.. the bad part? Cancer is 100% fatal in dogs.. so while he may get a year or two more its going to kill him.. which, for someone who fixes things is the worst failure...something you cannot fix...
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